Rebuilding
by inner thoughts
Summary: This story takes place 6 months after the fall of the Capitol. Peeta returns to District 12 to start rebuilding his life, but first he must rebuild his relationship with Katniss, the woman whom without, he has no life to rebuild.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: **_The Hunger Games Trilogy_ and all of its characters are property of Suzanne Collins. No copyright infringement is intended.

Some direct quotes are taken from _Mockingjay, Catching Fire_ and _The Hunger Games_

**TIME LINE: **Six months after the fall of the Capitol.

**Chapter 1**

This train was far different from the train that he rode during the Victors' Tour or during his trips to the Capitol after both of the reapings, But Peeta didn't mind, he was just glad to be leaving the hospital. The train slipped silently at 200mph along the track. To Peeta, it wasn't moving fast enough and at the same time, he wished it would slow down and give him more time before he reached District 12. Peeta had been through so much in the last year, and perhaps the most difficult part of his journey had occurred in the last 6 months. This was the time when the Capitol fell, the time he worked to get his mind back after it had been hijacked. His head was full of such mixed emotions. What would he find when he got "home". His family was dead, the town was working on being rebuilt after being reduced to ashes and rubble, and only a few hundred now inhabit the district. But none of that mattered to him. There was only one thing that pulled him back to District 12 and that was Katniss.

It had been so very long since he had seen her, even longer since he touched her, smelled her…tasted her kiss upon his lips. To Peeta, it had not only been 6 months since the Capitol fell, 6 months since he prevented Katniss from taking the nightlock suicide pill that Cinna left her, 6 months since Dr. Aurelius worked with him to reverse the hijacking and become mostly back to the Peeta Mellark that he knew himself to be-the Peeta that was madly, deeply and forever in love with Katniss Everdeen. To Peeta, the last time **_he_** saw Katniss was when they got separated at the lightening tree during the Quarter Quell. The other Peeta that was rescued from President Snow was….not him. The Peeta of the Quarter Quell was so full of hope and love for Katniss. He was prepared to die for her and she for him. The kiss that they shared on the beach the last night of the Quarter Quell was real, not something that was part of a show for the Capitol. The rescued Peeta after the hijacking was so full of hate and confusion…hate for Katniss.

As Peeta thought about those times, a lump came to his throat. Sometimes in his nightmares, he can still recall the feeling of his hands around Katniss' throat and the overwhelming desire to kill her. He swallows hard and tries to hold back the tears that are inevitable. But it is of no use-the tears come and silently roll down his cheeks. They are tears of regret and shame for hurting Katniss. Being with her again is all he has thought about for the last 3 months-once the bad thoughts and mixed up emotions began to clear themselves.

As he looked out the window he noticed that the scenery began to look more familiar to him. He knew it would not be long until the train pulled into District 12. It was just a matter of time when he would again be reunited with Katniss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

As Peeta stepped off the train and onto the platform of District 12, he began to have déjà vu. The last time he was here was at the Quarter Quell reaping. His heart began to pound in his chest. He stopped for a moment and let the memories come. This was a technique that Dr. Aurelius taught him. Don't suppress the memory, let it live in the moment. He remembered seeing Katniss standing beside Effie, tears streaming down her face, the Peacekeepers keeping guard over the crowd, Haymitch trying to convince him not to volunteer as tribute. Peeta took in a deep breath and decided that was enough of living in the moment of that memory. It was time to go home.

The sun was just setting on District 12. This used to be Peeta's favorite time of day-watching the sky turn different shades of orange, pink and purple before the sun completely slipped away. But today, it's not the colors of the sky that Peeta notices. It is the color of everything else around him. There is so much gray and black from the coal soot and bombed out buildings. In places, he can see patches of green peak through where the grass and shrubs attempt to reclaim the land that was taken from them. He finally arrives at the threshold to Victors' Village. His eyes immediately go to Katniss' house. It is dark and the grass and shrubbery, what there is of it, is terribly overgrown. A thin line of gray smoke comes out of the chimney, indicating that she is home. He wants to do nothing more than run to her, tell her how sorry he was about everything that happened since the beach in the Quarter Quell. He just wants to hold her, kiss her, smell her…..tell her that he will never let her go again. Peeta just stands in front of her house and stares, unable to move and for a moment, unable to breathe.

"Well I'll be damned!"

Peeta whips around at the sound of a very familiar voice. He sees Haymitch walking towards him from his yard.

"Haymitch!" Peeta says as he hugs his friend and mentor. Both men embrace and hold on to each other tightly. "Didn't Dr. Aurelius tell you I was finally coming home?"

Haymitch stepped back with a huge grin on his face and his eyes more animated than Peeta ever remembered seeing.

"Well sure he did! But seeing it ain't the same as hearing it!"

Haymitch hugged Peeta again as they both laughed.

"Oh! Before I forget, I have something for you."

Peeta reached into one of his satchels and handed Haymitch a bottle of white liquor. Haymitch greedily reached out and grabbed the bottle from him.

"I have two more in my bag."

"Well, what are we waiting for! Come on in….this deserves a toast!" Haymitch said already making strides towards his house.

"What deserves a toast? The fact that I'm home or the fact that I brought you white liquor?" Peeta chuckled.

"Both!" Haymitch exclaimed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Peeta and Haymitch spent the next 45 minutes talking about Peeta's progress and work with Dr. Aurelius. They talked about District 12 and its rebuilding. They talked about what a mess Haymitch's house was.

Haymitch leaned forward, grabbed the white liquor and took a hearty swig. As he drank, he looked over his glass at Peeta. Peeta shifted a bit uncomfortably and looked down at the table.

"So….when are you going to ask me about Katniss?" Haymitch said as he put his drink down on the table.

Peeta continued to stare at the table and didn't make eye contact with Haymitch.

"I…." he began. "I…..I don't even know where to begin, Haymitch. I want to know but I don't want to know." He lifted his eyes and looked directly at his mentor. "I've thought of her every minute of every day for the last 3 months….and now here I am, 100 yards away from her, and I am afraid to even ask how she is."

Peeta got up from his chair in frustration. He began to pace and ran his hand through his hair. Haymitch just watched and took another sip from his drink. After about 5 minutes of silence, Haymitch spoke.

"She's completely lost without you."

Peeta stopped pacing and looked intently at Haymitch.

"What?"

"She's lost without you. She hasn't come out of that damned house since we've been back." Peeta took his seat back at the table. "She won't answer the phone. Her mother abandoned her again after Prim died and left Katniss to fend for herself. Gale is in District 2 and as far as I know, they haven't talked since Prim died, either. Greasy Sae goes over there twice a day to make sure Katniss eats. She says that she is still in the same clothes since she got home from the capitol."

A look of shock, disgust and disbelief spread across Peeta's face.

"Yea! Tell me about it" Haymitch retorts. "Where is Effie and her crew when you need her?"

Peeta thinks a moment and then asks, "If all this is true.."

"It is" interrupts Haymitch.

"If all this is true," Peeta begins again, "How do know that it's me that she's lost without? Sounds like she could be lost without her mother, or Prim….or Gale."

"Boy, believe me when I say that it is you that will make a difference in her life. Of course she misses Prim. The girl got blown up, for God's sake…but it's YOU that she's in love with."

"Haymitch, you know that was all an act for the cameras," Peeta replies uncomfortably.

"Wrong! It **WAS** an act for the cameras….until she really fell in love with you."

"You think she fell in love with me?"

"Yes…..I do" he said sarcastically. "And so does all of Panem. Well, what's left of it."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well for starters, it was written all over her damn face every time she looked at you since you two were in that cave. Oh, she tried very hard to hide it from everybody. Especially herself. I do have to say that it wasn't until you got electrocuted and your heart stopped that I knew I was right. I think if you had died, she would have killed herself right then and there."

Peeta sat there taking this all in. He now felt even more confident that the kiss on the beach was real and not part of the show for Panem. During his treatment with Dr. Aurelius, he watched the tape of him getting electrocuted and Finnick bringing him back to life. Peeta did have to agree with Haymitch that Katniss was very upset when she thought he was going to die.

"Before the Quarter Quell, she was here begging me to save you. Made me promise that it would be you that lived, not her."

Peeta smirked because he knew that he made the same deal with Haymitch about Katniss.

"When you were taken by the Capitol, it crushed her. She would have killed me if she could have. She tried to, actually. And when we rescued you from President Snow and you were….well, hijacked….part of her died inside. The only way for her to keep going was to write you off as gone to her. It was too painful for her to even hope that you would come back to her someday. And right now, she's over in that house waiting to die and the only one that can help her is you."

The two men sat there in silence; Haymitch's words still lingering in the air. Peeta tried to speak several times, but the words wouldn't come. Haymitch poured himself another class of white liquor and pushed back in his chair. Peeta looked out the window to see that the night had become pitch black.

"Wow….I didn't realize that it was so late." Peeta said.

"You're welcome to stay here, there's plenty of room, as you know."

"Thanks, but I think I need to be alone tonight. You've given me a lot to think about."

"Suit yourself."

Peeta pushed back from the table and stood up.

"Thanks for the drink, Haymitch. I'll see you tomorrow."

He turned to leave and began to walk to the door.

"Hey!" Haymitch called after him. "Really good to have you home."

Peeta smiled and walked out of the house. He breathed in the crisp night air and took one more look at Katniss' house. The fire in the kitchen fireplace omitted a soft glow that could be seen through the windows of an otherwise dark house.

"Goodnight, Katniss. I hope to see you tomorrow." He said aloud as he walked into his house and closed the door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Peeta spent most of the night staring at the ceiling. He knew that this was his home, and he was happy to be there but it was going to take a while for him to feel at ease. His mind was reviewing his conversation that he had had with Haymitch-over and over again. Could it be true that Katniss really was in love with him? Did she need him as much as Haymitch said she did? Was she really just waiting to die? Peeta got out of bed and went to the window. He looked out into the dark square hoping to see…..what he didn't know. He stepped away from the window. Sleep was obviously not going to happen tonight. He decided to go exploring his big house, looking for memories that he left behind so many months ago.

Before long, Peeta saw the sun to begin to creep over the horizon. He wanted to get out of the house and start his day. After taking a long, hot shower, Peeta got dressed and wandered down to his kitchen. He was glad to see that his kitchen had been stocked with enough essentials to last him a few weeks. He made some warm grain porridge and a cup of hot tea. He wondered how early would be too early to go see Katniss. Since it was now only 5:30AM, he figured that he should wait a while. After breakfast, Peeta went outside to breathe in some spring air. As he sat there, he watched the birds hunting for their breakfast among the patches of grass that were intermingled with coal dust and gravel. The early spring plants were beginning to wake up from their winter slumber and Peeta could see that in a few weeks, color would be coming back to District 12. This revelation gave him an idea. Peeta ran back into the house to grab his jacket and off he went to the woods.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It took a while to clear a spot to plant them. Everything had been so overgrown and unattended to last fall before the winter came and blanketed everything in snow. Now, the shrubbery and weeds were all intermingled, choking each other out as they fought for the dominant position. Peeta decided to dig everything up and start anew. He didn't think Katniss would mind since, according to Haymitch, she hadn't left the house for many months anyway. He hoped that the primrose plants would make her smile, make her happy. There were many different plants to choose from. Some had white flowers, some had pink-but Peeta chose the yellow primroses to plant because they reminded him of her, of Prim, Katniss' sister with the beautiful golden hair.

He had just planted the first primrose when someone appeared around the corner of the house- there before him stood Katniss. His body froze and he felt his heart beat faster as his eyes fell upon Katniss.

"You're back." She says.

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday. By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone," Peeta said as he smiled at her. She was so thin and pale. He could tell that she didn't sleep much due to the dark circles under her eyes. Her once soft flowing hair now was matted around her face. There was no sign on her face that she was happy to see him. Peeta wanted nothing more than to touch her and tell her how much he missed her. He wanted to talk to her about everything since the beginning of the Quarter Quell.

"What are you doing?" she said in a defensive tone.

"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her. I thought we could plant them along side of the house. They're Evening Primroses."

Katniss' face turns angry for a moment, her eyes fiery. Peeta braces himself for her anger as he second guesses his gift to Katniss. Suddenly, her face changes to one of sorrow, on the verge of tears. She nods to Peeta and runs back into the house. Peeta drops to the ground and sits. He buries his hand in his hair and sighs. This is not how he had hoped his reunion with Katniss would go. Closing his eyes, he looked at her again in his mind's eye. She looked so fragile and weak. Her cheek bones were so prominent as her cheeks sunk beneath them. She was so disheveled and unkempt. She was far from the Katniss he knew.

"What has happened to you, Katniss," he said to himself.

Peeta stood up as he heard the windows upstairs being opened. He waited for Katniss to call down to him, but she never did. Peeta went back to work planting the Evening Primroses. Part of him wondered if there was any hope left with Katniss and if it was a good idea to have returned to District 12.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"WOOOHOOO!" shouted Haymitch as he burst through Peeta's kitchen door. Startled, Peeta whirled around defending himself with the large butcher knife he had been using to chop carrots.

"Haymitch!" Peeta said, as he tried to catch his breath. "What the hell did you do that for? You scared me to death! I was ready to throw this knife at you! You of ALL people should know that you shouldn't sneak up on a victor. It could get you killed!"

Haymitch laughed as he swung his leg over the kitchen chair and had a seat.

"Duly noted! I'm just excited that you got her out of the house!"

Haymitch smiled as he took a swig out of the bottle of white liquor that he brought with him. Peeta leaned against the counter putting the knife down. He looked at Haymitch with a confused look on his face.

"Katniss? She came out of the house for about 30 seconds, Haymitch. She asked me what I was doing and basically ran back into the house. I hardly call that a victory." Peeta moved his gaze away from Haymitch and focused on the floor. "She wasn't even happy to see me." He said in a quiet tone.

"Well you must have done something because Greasy Sae told me that when she got there this morning, Katniss had taken a shower, brushed her hair-thank God, put on some clean clothes and went out hunting."

Peeta snapped his head up and smiled a half smile at Haymitch.

"Really? That's good, right?"

"Good? Boy, it's a damned miracle! I told you she hasn't left the house since she got back from the Capitol….and I meant that literally."

Peeta walked over to the table and sat down opposite Haymitch. His mind was swimming with so many questions. _"Why didn't she seem happy to see me? If she finally left the house, why didn't she come say hello? Did she leave the house because she was afraid I was going to come back and she didn't want to be home?"_

"Don't you think so?" Haymitch asked.

"Huh? I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said this could be a step in the right direction to getting the spark back in The Girl on Fire."

"Yea….sure. I mean I hope so." Peeta replied.

"You hope so? Wasn't it just last night that you were saying to me that she's all you think about? Isn't she the reason that you came back to 12?" Haymitch took another drink as he looked at Peeta. "I tell you that she is making progress in the right direction and the best you can say is 'sure, I hope so'?"

Peeta began to get a bit upset with Haymitch.

"Well what do you want me to say, huh? I saw her this morning….after not seeing her for 6 months and she doesn't even say _how are you, or glad you're home_. She shows no inkling what-so-ever of happiness to see me. I just…."

Peeta's eyes begin to grow angry and his hands ball up into fists. Haymitch recognized the signs. Peeta was having a flashback.

"Peeta….Peeta, hey, it's ok. You're safe. No one is trying to hurt you. You are back home here in District 12."

Peeta strains to make words. His fists clench tighter.

"Katniss…" he manages to say.

"Katniss is not your enemy. She loves you and not going to hurt you. I promise you."

"Katniss is my friend. Katniss is not trying to hurt me," he whispers to himself over and over.

"That's right. No one is going to hurt you."

Peeta's hands slowly begin to unclench, his face begins to relax. He takes in several deep breaths and exhales slowly. Once Haymitch can see that Peeta is on his way back from this flashback, he too begins to relax. He takes a sip of white liquor. Peeta opens his eyes and looks over at Haymitch.

"Sorry," he says."

"No need to be sorry. How are you feeling? You still getting those flashbacks a lot?"

"Sometimes, but nothing like they used to be. I haven't had one in a few weeks. I guess my mind is still trying to sort a lot of stuff out."

Haymitch looks at Peeta trying to figure out the right things to say.

"Look, Peeta…I know that seeing Katniss today upset you and probably discouraged you, but…..you have to give her time. I promise you that her leaving the house today is a very good thing and no one has been able to make her move from her house in 6 months. Hell, she even took a shower today so that's saying something!"

Peeta chuckled a bit through his doubt.

"She's lost a hell of a lot…..not that you haven't, Peeta, but until a few hours ago, you were on the lost list for her as well. I'm sure she doesn't know how to process the fact that you are back. She's numb. Prim died right in front of her…blown up by the rebellion's own bombs. Katniss volunteered for the Hunger Games to protect Prim and yet she died anyway. And she died at the hands of the people Katniss was fighting for. She feels tremendously guilty and tremendously sad." Haymitch reached across the table and put his hand on Peeta's arm. "Give her time, OK? She'll come around."

"I hope you're right, Haymitch. I hope you're right."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Peeta couldn't stay in the house any longer so he went outside and decided to do some yard work of his own. The snow was still melting in a few of the shady spots. It was no longer a pristine white snow but a slushy, gray snow that mixed with mud and coal ash. As Peeta began to pull out the brush that had accumulated, he stopped and looked around at the destruction that still remained. He thought of all the lives that were lost-including his own parents and brothers, all the families that tried to flee and died in the streets. Senseless killings from a corrupt government. He began to feel the anger swelling in his chest as he took the shovel and plunged it into the ground over and over, turning over the soil, tearing at the weeds, clanging off the rocks in the ground. He let out a long scream of frustration and grief. He screamed until his voice was tired, but he felt little relief. It was then that he heard yelling coming from Katniss's house.

"Get out! Go away! There's nothing left for you here!" Peeta hears Katniss scream.

He throws down his shovel and runs towards her house.

"Katniss! Katniss!" He cries as he runs from the back of the house to her front door. He arrives on her porch and sees her through the window yelling at Prim's cat, Buttercup. He watches her through the window completely lost in her grief.

"She's dead, you stupid cat. She's dead." Katniss cries out as she rocks on the floor clutching a pillow. Next comes the wailing that can only come from pure unadulterated grief. He knows she is talking about Prim. He thinks back to what Haymitch said that afternoon about Prim being killed by the very people Katniss was fighting for. Peeta wants nothing more than to burst in and comfort her, but given her lukewarm reception of him this morning, he thinks better of it and slowly walks away leaving her to mourn her sister. As he continues his yard work, he can hear Katniss' cries out of the open window that she opened earlier in the day. Her sadness is too much to bear. With one swift motion, Peeta plants the blade of the shovel deep within the earth and retreats back into his house.

Peeta jumps into the shower to wash off the dirt but to also drown out the sounds of Katniss. The hot water washes over his body bringing little relief to his tense muscles. He turns to wash his face in the steamy spray. It is then that he is reminded of her tears, of her sadness. Peeta's own grief beings to overtake him and for the first time in a long time, he cries. Peeta has allowed himself to shed tears from time to time as of late, but he has not allowed himself to actually cry. Before he knows it, he finds himself sobbing and releasing some of the pain, fear and loss he has felt since the day of the first reaping so long ago. He cries for that young boy whose name was pulled out of the reaping bowl on that fateful day, he cries for the many that died in the Hunger Game arenas and for those that died trying to save him and bring the real Peeta back. Tears come for the loss of his mother and his father and for his brothers. He cries for the beatings and torture that he endured while being held prisoner at the Capitol by President Snow. And then he cries for Katniss, for her losses, for her pain that he cannot take away and for the time they have lost together. When no more tears will come, Peeta shuts off the water and dries himself with a towel. He sits by his open window and can no longer hear the sobs coming from Katniss' house.

Peeta gets dressed and goes back down stairs. He sits down at his table and tries to eat the meal he has made himself for dinner consisting of a bowl of broth and a piece of the bread he made earlier today. After swirling the spoon in the broth for the 100th time, he decides that he is going to go check on Katniss. Peeta pushes himself back from the table and heads out the door to see Katniss.

He practically sprints to her door. Unsure of what to say to her, he takes a deep breath and knocks. As he waits for her to answer, he looks through the same window he saw her though before and sees Katniss on the floor, not moving. Quickly, he opens the unlocked door and rushes to her side.

"Katniss? Katniss are you alright?"

Butter cup hisses as him as Katniss stirs a little but does not open her eyes. Peeta then realizes that she is asleep. "_She must have cried herself to sleep"_ he says to himself. Quietly, he sits down on the floor beside her sleeping body. Her braided hair falls limply behind her head. He picks up the end of the braid and lets it slip though his fingers feeling how soft and silky it is. Images of them together on the train during all those nights that Peeta stayed with Katniss and she slept in his arms begin to come to mind. As she slept, he would stroke her hair and let it run through his fingers. How he longed for those days right now when they were so close. As he looks at her sleeping face, he sees the scars from the burns up near her hair line that mimic his own scars. He can also see the tracks of the tears that have run down her face and into the pillow that now rests beneath her head. Peeta scoops Katniss of the floor and brings her up the stairs to her bed where she can rest comfortably. He is shocked at how light she is. Her body feels frail in his arms, not at all like the woman that he held night after night during the Victory Tour. He gently places her on her bed and covers her with a blanket. The night air has gotten chilly so Peeta steps over to close the open window. As he turns around, he sees the moonlight streaming in and softly illuminating Katniss' face. He squats down beside the bed and strokes her hair back on the top of her head. Katniss stirs slightly. It is then that Peeta notices something shiny around her neck. He gently pulls on the chain and discovers it is the locket that he gave her on the beach the last night of the Quarter Quell. As he holds it in his hand and runs his thumb over its face, he wonders why she is wearing it. Is it because he gave it to her or because it contains a picture of Prim….and of Gale, he quickly reminds himself. Peeta gently places the locket back on Katniss' neck and kisses her on the top of the head. As he begins to tip toe out of her room, he hears her call his name.

"Peeta?"

Peeta turns around as his heart skips a beat and he whispers "Yes?" There is no answer, he realizes that she is still asleep. "Good night, Katniss" he says as he silently descends the stairs.

Katniss wakes up a few hours later. It takes her a moment to comprehend her surroundings as she has not slept in this room since the last reaping. At first she is afraid and bolts up quickly, unable to breathe. As she looks around and sees her guardian, Buttercup, perched on her bed in a patch of moonlight, she realizes where she is and settles back down into her pillow.

"How did I get here?" she says to herself. She can think of only one solution since she has no recollection of walking herself up the stairs.

"Peeta" she says aloud.

Katniss lay there looking around her room. The vase with the rose in it has been destroyed and the scent of the rose has been aired out. She begins to feel a chill and goes to the window to shut it. It is then she sees that someone has shut it for her. She looks through the glass into the night…..at Peeta's house. She can see a dim glow from the window of his bedroom. Her heart leaps at the thought of him holding her and protecting her as she sleeps. Katniss wants nothing more than for him to be here with her right now. She finds the locket around her neck and grasps it tightly in her hand. It reminds her of Peeta and the hunger she felt on the beach when she kissed him. It was in that kiss that she felt hope and something that she thinks may have been love. And then it was all taken away from her when Haymitch saved The Mockingjay and not The Boy with Bread.

Today has been such an emotional day for her. She has not really even fully processed the fact that Peeta is back. Part of her never expected to see him again. She had lost hope on most things in life the moment that Prim died. The Capitol took Peeta away from her, and President Coin took Prim. But now, Peeta is back, living next door to her. Katniss didn't know what that meant. Did Peeta still see her as the enemy? Did he blame her for things that were not her fault? Could he forgive her for letting him get hijacked by the Capitol? She sat there and thought of all of the terrible things she felt responsible for and how much better off Peeta would have been if she had died in the Quarter Quell Hunger Games. Her body ached to be held and comforted by him. Katniss had suffered so much loss since the first Hunger Games. She felt she had nothing to live for and was too afraid to hope that Peeta's return had changed that. As she looked out the window, she saw his room grow dark. Buttercup stood up and stretched on her bed and claimed a new spot on the bed, as the moonlight had shifted. Katniss climbed into bed and pet Buttercup behind the ears with one hand, while she tightly grasped Peeta's locket with the other.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Peeta was once again up before the sun rose. Rather than tossing and turning in his bed, he decided to get up and start his day. His goal today was to try and get his life back on the track to normalcy, at least what he thought was the track to normalcy, and the best way he knew how to do that was baking. Peeta checked the stocked pantry to see if he had everything he had requested before he left the Capitol and Dr. Aurelia. Sure enough, he had everything he needed to start baking some bread. He mixed the ingredients together and left to dough to rise. He then made himself a cup of tea and went to the front door. Tea in hand, he opened the door and sat down on the top step and sipped his hot beverage. He looked at the sky and saw the faintest changes in the color beginning to appear. He knew that sunrise would be occurring within the next half hour. As he sat there sipping his tea, he tried very hard not to look over at Katniss' house. He tried not to wonder if she was awake, too.

The sun began to crest over the horizon turning the sky warm oranges and yellows. The birds began to awake and greeted him with their happy chirps. The sun slowly began to warm the crisp morning air and also bring to light the condition of his surroundings. As he looked down the pathway leading out of Victors' Village, he could see people off in the distance begin to move about the District. He could hear the scraping of the shovels against the ground, over and over again. From what he witnessed yesterday, he knew that that sound meant that someone was shoveling the ashes and debris of the bombings. He saw someone pass by with a cart that was full of bones, human bones. Peeta's mind got lost in the images of the destruction he has seen since he's been home trying desperately to meld with the images of the District 12 images he knew as a child. He hadn't gone to visit the bakery yet and his childhood home, but he knew from what others had told him that there was nothing left. Peeta stared into his tea cup and tried to feel numb to the senselessness of it all. Suddenly, a bird that had perched on Peeta's porch railing chirped at him in such a loud manner that it caused him to be startled. Peeta jerked his head towards the sound and saw that it was a mockingjay that was speaking to him.

"Well, good morning mockingjay," he said back to the bird.

The bird turned its head slightly to the side and began to examine Peeta. It squawked again, this time much louder. Peeta wondered if this was the bird's regular morning feeding spot and was telling Peeta to get off his porch.

"Ok, Ok little guy. I'll get off your porch! I'm out of tea and it's time to put the bread in the oven anyway."

The mockingjay watched Peeta walk into the house and shut the door. It then began reciting in Peeta's voice, "good morning, mockingjay" as it flew away.

Peeta turned the dough out onto the board and began to pound it down. He found himself taking pleasure out of working the dough and felt some of his aggressions finding relief. Stopping himself before he ruined the bread all together, Peeta cut the dough into what would become loaves and prepared them for the oven.

As the sun rose, Katniss began to stir and become very restless in her bed. Still in the dreamlike sleep, Katniss began to dream that someone was calling to her.

_"Good morning, mockingjay! Good morning, mockingjay!" she kept hearing over and over in her head. Suddenly President Snow appeared arm in arm with President Coin. Each was holding a bouquet of white roses that were covered in blood spatter. Beside President Coin was Gale, holding one of the roses and offering it to Katniss. "good morning, mockingjay" he kept saying to her as he thrust the rose into her hand and picked up his bow and one single arrow. _

_"Gale, what are you doing?" she questioned. _

_Gale remained silent giving her nothing but a smirk. He then pushed her out of the way and aimed the arrow at a target behind her. She spun around and saw Peeta, blindfolded and his hands tied behind his back. Gale let out a laugh in his throat as he pulled back the string._

_"Gale! No stop! STOP! What are you doing?" she cried._

_"What's the matter? Isn't this what you wanted, Mockingjay?"_

_Gale let the arrow fly. As it struck Peeta in the heart, it exploded upon impact!_

_Katniss sat up in her bed and awoke to find herself screaming: "No! NOOO! Peeta! PEETA!"_

She was again startled at her surroundings and she scrambled out of bed and crouched down in the corner of the room. She began to realize where she was and that she was safe. She grasped her locket and slid down the wall and sat on the floor. After many minutes of crying and her heart racing, Katniss began to calm down and focused on returning her breathing to normal. Katniss pried open the locket and looked upon the 3 images she found within. One of her mother, one of Prim and one of Gale. She gently touched the image of Prim and began to silently weep. She then focused on Gale. She reached out and touched his picture, sliding it out of the locket and tearing it into pieces. The young girl that once was infatuated with Gale is long gone. Where those feelings once resided are feelings of pain and hate. Katniss hoped that one day she would be able to completely forgive Gale, but that time would not be now. She was relieved to hear that he had made a new life for himself in District 2. To see him day after day in District 12, knowing that his bombs killed Prim would be unbearable.

Peeta looked at the 4 fresh loaves of bread that he had just taken out of the oven. It had always been his intent to give a loaf to Katniss and one to Haymitch but he didn't think he would be too well received at Katniss' house. He wrapped the loaf and walked over to her house and planned to leave it outside the door.

"Peeta!" he heard as he began to ascend her stairs. He turned around to see Greasy Sae greeting him with a big smile and open arms. Peeta hugged her as he said his good mornings.

"I heard you were back! Are you on your way to see Katniss?" she said with a smile.

"I…uh….I was….no. No, I was just going to leave this bread for her but since you are going there to make her breakfast, would you mind giving it to her?" Peeta said in an almost embarrassed tone.

"What? No, don't be silly! You come and give it to her!" Greasy Sae insisted. "I know she'll be happy to see you."

Peeta let out a short guffaw. "I don't think so. I saw her yesterday and she hardly said two words to me then ran back into the house and slammed the door."

"Oh, I think she was just startled is all. Seeing you did something to her. She got up from that chair in the kitchen and took a shower, changed her clothes. Went outside for the first time in months. "

Peeta listened to all she had to say, taking it all in and not knowing how to respond.

"Come on, boy! It will do you both a world of good."

Peeta nodded and followed Greasy Sae into Katniss' kitchen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Katniss had just got off the phone with her mother after talking to her for the first time in months and was looking through the box of items that had been sent back from District 13 when she heard the door open in the kitchen. She was glad she had arrived because she was feeling more hungry than usual and was looking forward to a nice breakfast.

"Good morning, Sae" she called from the living room.

"Good morning, Katniss. Sleep ok?" Greasy Sae replied.

Katniss began to walk toward the kitchen saying "it was the weirdest thing. This morning I woke up in my bed up….." Katniss stopped at the site of Peeta. Peeta looked at Katniss. He could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were red and slightly puffy. He wondered if she had any idea that it was he that carried her up to her bed last night.

"Morning, Katniss. I brought you some bread. Made it this morning." Peeta said with a nervous smile.

"Hi….hi, Peeta. Thanks. How are you?" She said as she sat down at the table.

Peeta sat down next to her. He could smell her shampoo and soap. She had braided her hair and the tail hung down over her shoulder. The gold chain of the locket still sparkled around her neck.

"I'm doing very well, Katniss. It's good and weird to be home all at the same time."

The smell of bacon frying in the pan brought Buttercup into the kitchen announcing his arrival with very loud and demanding meows. He rubbed up against Katniss' legs and continuously meowed. Peeta laughed and reached down to scratch him on the head.

"Oh hush, Buttercup! Breakfast is coming!" Katniss said to him. He was a welcome distraction to having to say something to Peeta. There was so much to say, so much to ask and she had no idea where to begin. Her stomach began to lose its appetite. "Don't make too much, Sae. I'm not very hungry this morning."

"How about a nice piece of warm bread?" Peeta said as he got up from the table. Katniss began to nervously play with her locket.

"Well…umm…sure" she said. She watched Peeta from across the room searching for a cutting knife. He was thin and scarred just as she was. He turned and looked at her and smiled. His eyes smiled, too. She had not seen that happen since before the Quarter Quell. Peeta brought over two pieces of buttered bread and presented one to Katniss.

"Thanks" she said as she reached for the bread. As she bit into the bread, it was a delight to her senses. She hadn't had bread like this since the before the reaping. It smelled delicious. The warm butter melted in her mouth as the soft texture felt like she was biting into a pillow. "Mmmmmmm" escaped her mouth as she savored the bread. Peeta smiled. "Glad you like it!" he said. Buttercup rubbed against Peeta's legs and meowed.

"Katniss, I can't believe you still have this cat! Has he been here the whole time? Survived the bombing?" Peeta asked as he petted Buttercup between the ears.

"He just showed up the other day. He must have walked here from 13."

"You're kidding?"

Katniss shook her head. "Nope. He was kind of beat up and had a thorn in his paw that he let me dig out this morning. He's one tough cat, that's for sure. I'm sure he showed up here looking for Prim."

Katniss started to get teary at the mention of Prim. She quickly wiped the tear from her eye and swallowed hard. Peeta gently took Katniss' hand. She flinched a bit but didn't pull her hand away.

"Katniss, I am so sorry about Prim."

"Uhh….thank you, Peeta. I just can't…." Katniss started to choke back her tears. Peeta wanted to take her in his arms and tell her everything would be ok. Instead, he gently squeezed her hand.

"It's ok, we don't need to talk about it. I just wanted you to know how sorry I was and that I know you loved her very much."

Katniss nodded her head and wiped the tears from her cheek with her free hand while she held on to Peeta with the other.

Greasy Sae placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of each of them.

"Thank you," Peeta said with a slightly confused look on his face. He hadn't planned on staying for breakfast.

"Peeta," Sae began,

"Would you mind keeping Katniss company this morning? I have some other things I need to do and I can't stay."

Peeta looked at her and caught a quick wink. "Oh….uh, yea sure. I would love to." He said back unsure of how Katniss would like that change of plans. Peeta released his grip on Katniss' hand and bid good bye to Greasy Sae.

Buttercup again began to howl at Katniss for his breakfast. She picked up a piece of bacon from her plate and broke off a piece. She offered it to the orange cat. He carefully sniffed her fingers and pulled the bacon out of her hand with one claw and began to eat it. The three of them ate their breakfast in virtual silence, Buttercup howling when he was ready for his next piece of bacon and Peeta and Katniss having polite conversation about the weather and Haymitch.

When breakfast was over, Buttercup found a sunny spot on the floor and began to lick his paws. Katniss sat back in her chair and looked at the floor. Peeta began to clear the dishes from the table.

"Do you still want to kill me? Katniss blurted out.

Peeta spun around with a stunned look on his face. "What?!"

"Do you still want to kill me, Peeta? Do you still think I am out to get you?"

Peeta leaned against the counter and sighed. He thought for a moment of how to answer this question, because he couldn't 100% say no. There were times when the flashbacks took over and Katniss was the enemy.

"Katniss," he began. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am about all of that. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for letting them convince me somehow that you were the enemy and that I needed to destroy you."

Katniss could hear that Peeta was getting choked up as he spoke to her. She didn't mean to upset him, but she needed to know.

"Peeta, I…"

"No! Let me finish. I worked so hard with Dr. Aurelius on getting my brain back to normal. I am almost 100% back but I do get flashes from time to time. I wish I didn't but I do. Please know, Katniss, that I would never hurt you on purpose. You are the most important thing in the world to me. You are what kept me going all those months in the hospital."

"You still didn't answer my question. Do you still want to kill me?"

Peeta looked at Katniss from across the room. Her eyes were so sad and her fighting spirit seemed to be lost.

"No, Katniss. I do not want to kill you."

Katniss was silent for a moment. Peeta felt like he couldn't breathe again until she spoke. After what seemed like an eternity to Peeta, she finally spoke.

"OK" was all she said as she gestured to his chair and told him to come back and take a seat.

Peeta practically glided across the kitchen and sat back down beside her. They looked each other over for a minute reveling being in each other's company. Slowly, Peeta picked up the locket that Katniss wore around her neck.

"I can't believe you still have this." He said turning it over in his hand, remembering the conversation they had that night on the beach. He opened the locket expecting to find the images of Prim, Mrs. Everdeen and Gale. Much to his surprise, Gale's image had been removed. Katniss could tell by Peeta's expression that he was surprised to see Gale's picture gone. This gave him an enormous sense of hope. Peeta closed the locket and let it fall back to Katniss' chest.

"Katniss, that night on the beach.." Peeta began.

"Peeta, we don't need to talk about that now," Katniss interrupted, sure that he wanted to talk about the kiss they shared-the kiss that Katniss often thought about and wondered if she would ever feel the hunger that the kiss awoke in her again.

"I do, Katniss. I need to talk about it."

Katniss braced herself for what she thought would be a difficult conversation. She was not ready to talk about her feelings for Peeta.

"That night on the beach was the last time I feel like we actually talked. The last time I was ME when I was with you. The Peeta that was rescued from the Capitol and…..and tried to hurt you…..that wasn't me. I hope you know that." Peeta looked at the table, he felt a sense of shame building up inside him. "I would never hurt you, Katniss. That wasn't me…..that wasn't me."

This time, it was Katniss that took Peeta's hand within her own and squeezed it tight.

"Peeta, look at me." Katniss said. Peeta turned his face towards her looking into her eyes. Katniss could see the tears in his brilliant blue eyes and the scars that were the permanent reminders of those horrible days. "Peeta, I know that wasn't you. And I know you didn't want to hurt me. It's MY fault that you were hijacked in the first place. President Snow was using you to get to me. I told Haymitch to save you and let me die in the Quarter Quell, but he didn't! HE DIDN'T! And then they took you! Peeta, they took you and there was nothing I could do to stop them!" Katniss' voice was getting louder and was very agitated. The tears were streaming down her face as she spoke. "Oh, Peeta! I am so sorry! I did this to you! It's my fault! It's all my fault! I wanted it to be me and not you!"

By this time, Katniss was in full body wracking sobs. Her face was buried in both her hands. Peeta quickly stood from his chair and kneeled down next to Katniss, taking her in his arms and running his hand over the back of her head.

"Sssshhhh! Sssshhhh! Katniss! What happened to me was NOT your fault. It was the fault of the Capitol. Do you hear me? And Haymitch did what he had to do. I know that! I told him to save you and not me. I don't blame you, Katniss. You didn't let the Capitol get me. They just did."

The sobs continued. Peeta could feel her leaning into him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and cried. Peeta tried to coax her off of the kitchen chair and onto the couch but she seemed to not hear him through her wails so he picked her up and carried her to the couch where they both sat. Katniss put her head on Peeta's chest and Peeta wrapped his arms tightly around her. He gently rubbed her back and stroked her head as they both cried. It was obvious to Peeta that Katniss has been carrying around the guilt of what happened to him all this time, and that she needed to let it out. Katniss cried until she exhausted herself and fell asleep on Peeta's chest, his heartbeat a loving reminder that for the time being, she was safe.

"Katniss?" Peeta said in a quiet voice when he didn't hear any more cries or feel any more sobs. He received no answer. By her steady breathing pattern, he could tell she was asleep. Peeta gently pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over them both and closed his eyes. He began to drift off with the woman that he loved safely in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Peeta began to come to his senses after falling asleep on the couch with Katniss. The gentle pressure on his chest helped to remind him of where he was. A smile creped across his face as he opened his eyes and looked to his couch mate. There staring back at him was Buttercup, all snuggled up on Peeta's chest and contently purring.

"Well….you're not the "cat" I expected to wake up to. Where's Katniss?" Peeta asked Buttercup as he sat up. Buttercup hissed at Peeta in protest for disturbing his sleeping spot.

"Katniss? Katniss where are you," Peeta called out.

He began to search the vast house to find her, but to no avail. She was gone. Peeta's heart sank a little. She had awakened and saw that he was holding her and decided she should leave. Once again Peeta's hopes were dashed. He walked out the door and headed back to his house.

Katniss had done exactly as Peeta suspected. She awoke feeling more safe and rested than she had in a long time. It was then she realized that she fell asleep in Peeta's arms. Part of her wanted to stay there forever. She had lost all hope of ever getting him back after he tried to kill her. It was far easier to write him off as dead to her than to go on hoping that he would return. And now he's back and she has no idea how to feel. She has lost so much and so many that she loves. She couldn't handle it if she allowed herself to love Peeta and have him taken away again. It was much easier to go on feeling that he was lost to her.

When Katniss left the house late this morning, she thought she would go for another walk in the woods. Hopefully today she would feel a bit more rested and stronger. She walked to the place where she would hide her bow. Katniss sat down and rested. The woods smelled fresh and clean today and the sun felt wonderful shining on her face. Many memories flashed through her mind of Gale. She loved Gale, and the thought of him now tied her insides up in knots. He was her first love even though she would never allow herself to fully admit it at the time. She enjoyed his company so. He was the tall, handsome boy that taught her how to hunt and was there to listen to her secrets. He loved Prim, too. Katniss felt somewhat comforted at the first reaping when she volunteered as tribute for Prim knowing that Gale would look out for her family no matter what happened to her. As she thinks back on those days, she remembers how much she cared for Gale but no longer would say that she loved him….not like she loved Peeta. But she couldn't love Peeta, because she knew that the moment she allowed herself to admit that she did, he would be taken away from her and all that she was would be destroyed.

Peeta sat at his kitchen table and let out a heavy sigh. Resting his elbows on the table, Peeta lowered his head into his hands and sat in silence. Coming home was so much harder than he thought it would be. So much had changed, including Peeta-but the one thing that had remained the same was his love for Katniss. _How could he get her to trust him again? Could she trust him again? WOULD she trust him again? What if they are never close again?_ These thoughts and more ran through Peeta's head, one falling on top of the other.

"Damn it!" he said as he kicked one of the kitchen chairs across the room. "I can't do this without her."

Katniss returned home in the early afternoon. Although she did feel stronger than yesterday, she still was not ready for an entire day's worth of exercise. She approached her house with caution, which was something that she had come to do these days out of fear of the unexpected, but today it was also out of the fear that Peeta would still be inside.

"Peeta?" she called out. Not hearing an answer, she called out again. "Peeta?" A wave of relieve spread over her at the silence that reverberated within the walls of her house. Katniss sliced off a large piece of bread and generously spread some butter on it. Peeta's gift of bread had been a very welcome one this morning. It had been so long since she had some of his bread. It made her happy. Her happiness quickly turned to fear as she heard footsteps coming up her stairs. It was too early in the day for Greasy Sae. It had to be Peeta and she just didn't have it in her to face him right now. But she was trapped, there was nowhere to run and hide.

"Knock, knock, Sweetheart," a voice called from behind the opening door.

Katniss looked up in shock and bewilderment.

"Haymitch? Haymitch, is that you?"

"Damn right it is!" Haymitch said as he stumbled through the door and clumsily found a seat at the table. He reeked of alcohol.

"_I see nothing has changed"_ she said to herself. "You're drunk." She said flatly.

"Not drunk enough," Haymitch replied as he took a drink of something from his flask.

"Well, come to do one of my mandated visits? It's only taken you…oh, what? 4-5 months to come check on me?"

"What are you talking about? I've checked on you?"

"What? When? When have you ONCE checked on me since we've been back?" Katniss said with a very indignant tone. "I never saw you here! Not one time, Haymitch! I could have been lying here dead for all you knew."

"Hey, hey, hey! Just because I never came over here doesn't mean I wasn't checking on you. I spoke to Greasy Sae about you all the time. She said you wouldn't leave the kitchen. Congratulations on finally showering and changing your clothes, by the way," he said as he took a swig from his flask.

Katniss shot Haymitch a death glare from across the table. "You know, a bath every once in a while wouldn't hurt you either, Haymitch." She sniped back. "What is it you want? Not that I can't guess."

"I came to see how you're doing."

"Pfft! Yea right! And?"

Katniss sat with her arms crossed tightly in front of her and stared at Haymitch.

"I came to see how you are doing and how…."

"And how Peeta is, right?" Katniss interrupted him. "Why don't you ask him yourself? It's not like he doesn't live 2 houses away from you."

"Whoa, there girly! Why are you getting so defensive?"

"Why am I getting so defensive? You were supposed to check in on me, Haymitch. Do you know what kind of HELL I went through? Huh? I was reaped for the Hunger Games not once, but TWICE, I watched almost everyone I loved die or be tortured because of **me**. And then, they told me I had to be the face of the revolution- be The Mockingjay. And once the revolution was over, know what happened to The Mockingjay? I was sent back home-where there is nothing and nobody left. Everybody left me- my mother, Gale, Peeta, Prim….." Her voice trailed off and began to get choked up. "And you were right next door and you never once came to see me, to ask me how I was, to give me any news on anything or anyone. And as soon as Peeta gets home, NOW you come and see me. Save the fake concern. I know you only care about Peeta. And I guess that is how it should be…..and how it **should** have been."

Katniss was of course referring to the pact that she had made with Haymitch that he saves Peeta, no matter what. It was a promise he failed to fulfill. The hot tears of anger and frustration now began to fall down her cheeks. She had had such an emotional 24 hours; she didn't know how much more she could take.

"OK, I suppose all that is fair. But did it ever occur to you that I have lost things and people, too in all of this? I've been playing the Hunger Games for a lot longer than you have, Sweetheart and we all know how well I have managed that," he said indicating to his flask. "Maybe I needed time to myself, too." Haymitch and Katniss sat silently for a moment, staring at each other across the table. "Peeta's a good boy and.."

"And if I live 100 years, I still won't be worthy of someone like him, right? Isn't that what you told me before?" Katniss spat out cutting him off again. "And you know what? You were absolutely right!"

Haymitch looked at Katniss apologetically.

"I did say that, and I can honestly say that I was wrong. I severely misjudged you, Katniss. You are the strongest and most selfless person I have ever known."

Katniss began to cry again at the kind gesture that Haymitch was making. She didn't feel worthy of Peeta. She never did, and even less so since the Quarter Quell. Katniss buried her face in her hands to hide the emotional breakdown she was experiencing. Haymitch reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Sweetheart," he said in a soft, fatherly tone, "If there is one thing I know is that you two are meant to be together. You both cheated death not once but twice and it was your love for each other that made it possible."

With her face still buried in her hands, Katniss began to vigorously shake her head no.

"Your story started out as the fake Star Crossed Lovers from District 12, but somewhere along the line, you fell in love with him and he fell _deeper_ in love with you. I saw how much it destroyed you when we found out Peeta had been taken by Snow and then hijacked, but Katniss-he's back now, he's back. And no one is going to take him away."

Katniss looked up from her hands, tears covering her entire face. She struggled to keep the sobs under control.

"B-B-But…" She managed to get out.

"But nothing. He's back and he still is madly in love with you. He has been from the beginning. And I'm guessing that if you didn't have any feelings for him, you wouldn't be sobbing as you are now."

"But what if….if he's…not really…..better?" She said between sobs. "And he …he…"

Katniss broke down again. Haymitch pulled her close to him and held her tight. He could feel her small, frail body heaving with sobs. He softly rubbed her back and let her cry.

"Katniss…sshhhh…..Katniss, listen to me," Haymitch said as he still held her tightly in his arms. "Peeta is better. I have talked to some of the people that I know that are still in the Capitol and they have been keeping me updated on his progress. And, Dr. Aurelius, himself told me how much better Peeta was doing. They wouldn't have let him come back here if he wasn't. If you don't believe me, call him yourself."

Her tears began to lessen as she listened to Haymitch. She sat there, in Haymitch's embrace with her head on his shoulder.

"The Capitol has taken so much from us all, Katniss. Please don't let them take Peeta away from you, too-not after all you have been though and all he has fought through and done to make it back here to you."

Katniss remained on Haymitch's shoulder for a few minutes more before separating from him. Her face was glistening from tears, her nose had been running, her face was blotchy shades of red and pink and her hair was mussed and falling haphazardly around her face.

"There's my beautiful girl!" Haymitch teased. "Quick, somebody call Effie and her team in here! Someone needs emergency beauty care!"

"Shut up!" Katniss said through a chuckle. She tried to smooth back her hair and wipe the tears and snot from her face. "Better?"

"Well, not by much, but yes…better! It's going to take us all time to heal and time to move on with our lives again. Wouldn't it be better to do it together than to go it alone?"

Katniss slowly nodded. "When did you get so smart?"

"I've always been smart, Sweetheart! And handsome…..don't forget handsome!"

Katniss laughed and smiled at Haymitch. He stood up and kissed the top of her head before he left. Katniss sat in the quiet of the house and took a few deep breaths. After a while, she stood up and picked up the small wooden box that resided on the fireplace mantel piece. She opened the box and retrieved a folded up piece of paper from within and then returned the box to its home. Katniss unfolded the paper and stared at it for a minute or two. Picking up the phone, she then dialed the number that had been written on the paper.

"Hello? Dr. Aurelius? It's Katniss Everdeen."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The sky was a dark gray, threatening to downpour at any moment. An axe blade split the log in two with sending the wood falling with a clank on top of the pile that had already accumulated. A new log took its place and again, the axe blade hit its mark and spilt the wood down the center. Over and over again, this same pattern was repeated. As log after log was split, Peeta's mind began to wander.

The day of the first reaping: "And the boy from District 12….Peeta Mellark," he hears in Effie's voice.

*CRACK* goes the wood.

On the beach with Katniss during the Quarter Quell: "No one really needs me." "I do, I need you." She says before she leans in to kiss him.

*CRACK*

To Haymitch on the train trying to save Katniss during the Quarter Quell: "Remember our deal!"

*CRACK*

Katniss tending to him and his fever in the cave.

*CRACK*

Waking up and finding Katniss passed out in a pool of her own blood because she risked her life to get medicine to save him from the blood poisoning that was slowly working its way through his body.

*CRACK*

The smile on Katniss' face when he handed her the pearl from the oyster in the arena. "Here, for you." "Thank you!"

*CRACK*

Feeling her tremble as she held him after Finnick saved his life after being electrocuted by the force field of the arena.: "Peeta!" he could hear her scream. "You were dead! Your heart stopped!" "It seems to be working now. It's alright, Katniss."

*CRACK*

The first day of school and seeing Katniss for the first time with her hair in two braids and the red plaid dress and knowing then that he loved her.

*CRACK*

Being beaten and tortured after being captured by the Capitol.

*CRACK* *CRACK*

Feeling his hands close around Katniss' throat.

*CRACK*

Feeling the war within him between the love and hate he felt for Katniss after being hijacked. The confusion was driving him mad.

*CRACK*

Tossing the burnt bread to Katniss on that rainy day so long ago.

*CRACK*

Watching tribute after tribute die in manners so vicious that they replay in his nightmares over and over.

*CRACK*

The sessions with Dr. Aurelius and countless injections he endured to reverse the hijacking.

*CRACK*

Holding Katniss night after night on the train, running his hand through her hair, kissing her soft lips.

"Peeta, stay with me?" "Always."

*CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK*

Peeta began savagely hacking away at the log that stood before him, a primordial scream emitted from his throat. Pieces of wood flew every which way as the axe blow made contact again, and again, and again as the rain now poured down on him.

"DAMN YOU, SNOW!" He screamed to the sky. "DAMN YOU TO HELL!"

Peeta flung the axe as hard as he could into the trees that lined the back of his yard. He fell to his knees and began to weep. The brown mud mixed with the dark gray ash began to splatter up from the ground and make a polka dotted pattern on his pants. Water now dripped from his soaked hair onto his face combining with the free flowing tears. Peeta laid down in the mud as the weeping was replaced with sobs. A few minutes pass before Peeta brings himself to get off of the ground. He looks around and sees no one. He realizes that he is as alone as he feels.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The next day bring torrential down pours that turn everything to a black mud. Katniss sleeps until late into the afternoon. The emotional drain of the day before left her feeling weak and exhausted. She didn't even hear Greasy Sae come in to make her breakfast; in fact she's not even sure that she did. Katniss goes down stairs and has a piece of the bread Peeta brought over yesterday and some dried pears. She starts the fire in the kitchen fireplace and takes a seat in her familiar rocking chair. The warm fire feels good as it begins to take off the chill in the house. As Katniss nibbles on her fruit, she begins to replay the last 24 hours in her mind-er visit with Haymitch, her phone call to Dr. Aurelius and of course, her conversation with Peeta.

"Peeta" she whispers aloud to no one.

Yesterday, when Katniss awoke wrapped in Peeta's arms she thought that she was in a dream. This was something that she never again thought that she would experience. She felt safe and protected, she felt loved and wanted and for a very brief moment, she felt whole again. When she realized that it was not a dream, she quickly got up from the couch. She couldn't allow herself to feel those feelings again. More to the point, she wouldn't allow herself to get hurt again. She wouldn't survive if she did. Yet, the longing to be in his arms again still remained. She wanted to be near Peeta and have him here with her: to feel safe again, to feel loved and happy. Katniss was sure that those were three emotions that she no longer was able to feel and not be hurt. Once she had finished the last dried pear and the last bite of bread, she saw no reason to remain awake, thinking about things and people that will only bring her pain. She headed back upstairs to her bed where she pulled the covers over her head and slept the rest of the day away.

Peeta sat in the window seat and watched the rain fall in sheets. Not since that night in the cave had he seen rain come down like this. This time, however he was alone. He slept in today which is something that Peeta almost never did anymore. The nightmares seem to be the worst in the wee hours of the morning for whatever reason, thus he is usually awake with the sunrise. His emotional catharsis yesterday left him feeling drained and exhausted so he allowed himself to sleep as long as he could. He felt a little better today than he did after his break down. He knew that so much had happened to him that he had no control over and that he had to start forgiving himself for some of the things he did and said as _Hijacked Peeta_. Life was never going to be the same as it was: His parents and brothers were gone, the District 12 that he knew as a boy was destroyed and the new buildings that were slowing taking shape were unfamiliar to him, the torture and hijacking absolutely changed him and despite getting better, a part of him will always be irretrievable from that nightmare. Peeta also has come to know that even if none of that ever happened, the Hunger Games took away the innocent boy and replaced him with the man that has seen too much in his young life. All of these things, Peeta was successfully coming to terms with and he was not afraid to face them and start anew. But the one variable in his life that he could not live without and had no control over was the one that had the most control over him-Katniss Everdeen. Peeta realized that he had not been back but for a few days. His fantasy was that Katniss would run into his arms and would have realized that she belonged with him and they would live happily ever after. But he was realizing that that scenario was indeed a fantasy. Too much had transpired in the last year. She has walled herself off from everyone, especially him. He didn't blame her but he also wasn't going to give up on her. He knew that she needed time and right now, time was all he had to give.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Katniss awoke to the distant sound of the phone ringing. She stumbled out of bed to answer it. It was Greasy Sae telling her that she wouldn't be coming today because she wasn't feeling well. Katniss told her that she hoped she felt better soon and that she thought that she could start preparing her own meals now. As Katniss hung up the phone, her stomach began to rumble. She realized she had only eaten the bread and pears yesterday and was starving this morning.

The sun shone brightly through the kitchen windows and the birds outside began to splash in the puddles as they looked for their morning meal. Katniss was happy to see the sun shining and the rain gone. She thought that she might go for a walk today and get some exercise. The fire Katniss lit yesterday had burned out many hours ago and the kitchen was once again chilly. As she arranged the wood in the fireplace and struck the match, something made her stomach begin to growl again even more ravenously than before. Katniss stood up and inhaled deeply.

"Cheese buns!" she exclaimed.

There on the counter next to the sink were freshly baked, slightly warm cheese buns along with a small bouquet of wild flowers that grew in the woods behind the Victor's Village.

"Peeta" she said in a hushed tone as a smile spread across her face. She picked up one of the rolls and held it under her nose, breathing in the smell of the bread and salty cheese. Before she could help herself, she quickly gobbled one down licking her fingers after the last bite. It had been so long since she had these and Peeta knew they were her favorite. She filled the kettle with water and put it on to boil for some tea and then found a small vile that her mother used for medicines and used it as a vase for the flowers. Katniss walked over to her rocking chair with a cheese bun in one hand and her vase of flowers in the other. There she sat, slowing rocking and savoring her breakfast while warming herself by the fire and every once in a while, smelling the fragrant flowers that Peeta had left for her.

"Peeta, I miss you so much," she said aloud. "I wish things could be the way they were. I want to be friends again."

Katniss placed the vase on the table and made herself a cup a tea. As the tea steeped, she pulled the locket that was tucked inside her shirt and held it tightly in her hand. Her mind began to wander back to that infamous night on the beach when he gave it to her, when she knew it had to be him that survived because she couldn't live without him…..when she had to kiss him, not because Haymitch and the rest of Panem wanted her to, but because SHE wanted, no….she needed to. How many times has her mind wandered back to that day?

"No! No! I can't!" she said to herself as she put the locket back under her shirt and out of sight.

Peeta looked at the clock and wondered if Katniss had found his gift by now. He was up early and started baking. He made some cheese buns for Katniss and some dill bread for himself. Watching the sunrise was something that Peeta loved to do, so once again, he brought his cup of tea outside with him and waited for the sun to peak over the horizon. The colors this morning were brilliant and so bold. The few clouds that remained added a beautiful texture to the tapestry of colors that danced along the tree line. The sun felt warm and renewing on his face. As he watched the sunlight creep across the pavement, he could see many colorful flowers that he had not seen a few days ago. Peeta walked across the yard and picked a stem of white flowers that looked like little bells and smelled so fragrant and beautiful. A few feet away were some flowers that he recalled his mother once calling Columbine. It was a beautiful soft pink with a pure white flower in the middle. Peeta picked a few of each kind he could find and made a bouquet for Katniss. He tied the flowers with a simple piece of twine and when the cheese buns were ready, he brought the flowers and the buns over to her house for her to find when she awoke.

Yes….the woods were definitely calling her name today. Katniss put on her father's hunting jacket and grabbed her bow and was out the door. The warm sun seemed to bring her alive. She felt like she had boundless energy today. Katniss tried not to overthink this change in her demeanor but deep down she knew it was because of Peeta. Since she no longer lived in the Seam, she had to take a different route to get to her favorite hunting grounds. This different path was still new to her and she didn't know it like the back of her hand. These paths were hers and hers alone. She didn't see and hear so many ghosts of Gale in this part of the woods. This was a good thing she thought to herself. Before long, she came upon a sound that can only mean one thing-turkeys! Her mouth began to water at the thought of fresh turkey meat for dinner. All she had eaten lately had been squirrel and whatever else Greasy Sae managed to get her hands on and throw in a stew. Katniss silently loaded her bow and pulled back on the string. As she let go, the arrow flew through the air and killed the bird instantly sending the other turkeys to flap their great wings and fly away. Katniss hurried over to the animal to make sure it was dead and not suffering. The arrow had killed the creature instantly and never knew what hit it. It was a very large bird and was going to make a wonderful feast. She pulled the arrow from its chest. Its lifeless body lay still on the floor of the woods. Katniss suddenly had a flash back to Rue and her lifeless body. She quickly stood up and covered her eyes. "No! No!" She screamed. When she opened them, she saw only the turkey. Katniss wiped away the tears that had quickly formed and slung her bow over her shoulder. She grabbed the turkey and headed for home. She had had enough hunting for the day.

A turkey was one of the easier animals to clean and butcher. She took out her hunting knife and began to make an incision in the flesh of the animal. Her mind flashed to the cornucopia where she lay helpless on the ground, blood pouring out of the knife wound on her forehead and Clove running a knife over her lips. For a moment, she could taste the blood that ran into her mouth on that day. Katniss snapped out of her flashback and saw her own hand trembling as she held the hunting knife. Dropping the knife, she squatted down and sat back on her heels, taking in some slow deep breaths. Slowly, she could feel her heartbeat returning to normal and her trembling subside. She quickly finished butchering, cleaned her knife and hoped there would be no more flashes of the Hunger Games today.

Katniss carefully selected which cuts of meat she was going to roast today. It was rare that she would have a choice. Tomorrow, she would bring some to Greasy Sae. She could do wonders with turkey and the turkey carcass. Katniss prepared the turkey breast meat with salt and many different herbs and placed it in the oven to slowly roast. Her eye caught the plate of the remaining cheese buns and then thought of Peeta. He had been so kind to think of her this morning, perhaps she should do the same. Maybe they could be friends again.

Peeta jumped a little when he heard a knock at the door. He was so engrossed with his painting, that he had almost forgotten where he was.

"Coming!" he shouted out to the unknown guest on the other side of the door. "Katniss!" he said in a surprised tone.

"Am I interrupting you? I can come back."

"NO!" he barked, afraid she would leave and never return. "I mean, no, don't be silly. Come in. I was just ummmm….."

"Painting?"

"Yea! How did you know?"

Katniss lifted up Peeta's hands and showed him the paint that decorated his skin and she carefully wiped off a smudge that he had across his nose.

"Oh! Hahaha! Well, I guess you caught me! Want to come see?" he said.

Katniss hesitated. "It's not of the Hunger Games, is it?"

"What? No…It is of the most amazing sunrise I saw this morning!"

Peeta grabbed Katniss' hand and led her up to his art studio. He could feel her arm slightly jerk back when he took her hand, but she did not pull away from his touch. Katniss was amazed at Peeta's studio. He had so many canvas sizes to choose from, brushes, palates, easels….you name it, he had it. The Capitol made sure that Peeta had what he wanted for art supplies after the first Hunger Games.

"Well?" Peeta said as he presented his latest work.

"Oh, Peeta! Peeta it is beautiful!" Katniss looked at all the brilliant colors and how they all comingled together to create the most amazing sunrise she had ever seen. "Look at all those colors! They are so….so…wow!"

Peeta laughed a little. "Thanks! I guess that means you like it."

"I love it." Katniss reached out to touch the painting.

"Oh! Careful! The paint is still wet," he said as he again grabbed her hand.

Katniss let her hand linger for a moment in Peeta's and then used it to gesture to the painting.

"Is this your favorite shade of orange," she said pointing to the heart of the sunrise.

"Yes! That's it exactly! I can't believe you remembered that."

"Of course I do and I believe that you actually said it was orange like a sunset, not a sunrise."

Katniss smirked at Peeta. For a moment, it seemed like old times. Peeta felt it, too.

"Peeta, I wanted to thank you for my surprise this morning."

Peeta blushed a bit. "Oh, you're welcome. I was up early this morning, as you can see," he said indicating his painting, "and I thought you might like some cheese buns."

"I did." Katniss was quiet for a moment. She was having second thoughts about asking him over to share the turkey with her.

"What did you do today," he asked trying to break the awkward silence that stood between them.

"I actually went hunting."

"You did? Get anything?"

"Yes! A great, big turkey!"

"Wow! How big?"

"HUGE! In fact, I came over to see if maybe you wanted to come over and have some turkey with me…tonight."

Peeta looked at Katniss for a moment, too stunned to say anything.

"I know it's short notice and you probably have something else to do…." She began.

"No, I don't and I would love to. What time and can I bring anything?"

Katniss felt her heart starting to pound in her chest. She was happy he said yes and terrified at the same time.

"I would say in about 2 hours. And you don't need to bring anything."

"OK, I guess I will see you in 2 hours."

Katniss smiled quickly at Peeta and began to walk down the stairs. Peeta followed close behind. He opened the door for her. "Thanks again. See you in a few." He said as she walked out the door. A smile spread from ear to ear over his face and his stomach was invaded by butterflies. He suddenly became very aware of how much of his body was covered in paint and headed to the shower to get ready for supper with Katniss.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Buttercup can smell the turkey roasting in the oven and he reminds Katniss over and over again that he wants to partake in the feast, too. Earlier, she offered him the turkey liver to do with what he pleased. He immediately snatched it up in his mouth and began prancing around the kitchen making a funny almost proud purring sound from his throat. Katniss opened the door and let him prance with it outside. What happened to it next, she doesn't know. Now, Buttercup has come back for seconds. He sits in the middle of the kitchen howling every once in a while to remind Katniss that he's still there.

"You're going to have to wait! It's still in the oven!" she says to him, half expecting him to understand.

It was still too early in the season for fresh vegetables, so Katniss had to be creative about what to make with the turkey. She was able to find a few potatoes and some parsnips. It was times like this that she wished she had some of those canned vegetables that she found in one of the apartments they used as a temporary shelter during the revolution. She knew she could make a good gravy from the turkey drippings and the sage and onion that was at her disposal. She scrubbed the potatoes and put them in the oven next to the turkey. The meat smelled delicious. Katniss spooned some of the drippings over the breast to keep it moist. She had seen her mother do this whenever they had the good fortune to have something like a turkey to eat. That didn't happen very often. Katniss felt almost guilty that she had all this good meat from a successful hunting trip and the only people that were going to eat it were Peeta and her. She promised herself that she would offer some to Haymitch tomorrow on her way to see Greasy Sae. Katniss shut the oven door and realized that time was moving very quickly. She ran up the stairs and jumped in the shower washing off the remainder of her hunting excursion and getting ready for supper with Peeta.

Peeta opened the kitchen door after his knocking went unanswered. The smell of the turkey was absolutely intoxicating.

"Katniss?", he called out. "Katniss? Are you here?"

There was no answer. He began to become fearful that something had happened.

"Katniss?" He shouted this time.

"Peeta?" he heard her reply.

"Yea, it's me. Are you ok?"

Katniss came running down the stairs, her hands busy braiding her hair as she went.

"I'm fine. Time got away from me I guess. I just took a shower."

Peeta could smell the scent of her shampoo and soap wafting off of her. It was everything he could do to keep from grabbing her and just holding her, breathing in her scent and locking it away in his memory.

"No problem. I brought a goat cheese and apple tart for dessert."

Katniss stared at the tart. Her memory flashed to the two of them hold up in the cave dining on the gourmet feast Haymitch and their sponsors had sent them. A wave of feelings and deeply hidden emotions quickly surged up to the surface. Katniss must have shown some of it on her face because Peeta's expression went from a smile to one of concern almost immediately.

"We don't have to eat it if you don't like it."

"No, no…..of course I'll like it. I just feel badly that you went to all that trouble, especially after making me the cheese buns this morning."

Katniss was a terrible liar and was sure that Peeta saw through her. He gave her a quick nod and asked what he could do to help. She asks him to take the turkey out of the oven while she mashes the parsnips and prepares the onion and sage for the gravy. When all the preparations are done, they sit down to eat. It feels very formal at first, like the first night on the train when they met Haymitch and Effie for the first time. They talk about their day and have a little fun at Haymitch's expense, but they shy away from any meaty conversation. Buttercup also chimes in and reminds them that he would like to be fed as well. Both Katniss and Peeta slip him pieces of turkey skin and bits of meat under the table. That evening, the cat is fed very well.

"Katniss, that was amazing." Peeta said pushing his plate away.

"Thanks….I guess it was a lucky shot getting that turkey."

"Lucky? Who are you kidding? There was no luck involved. Only skill. Don't forget, I've seen you shoot."

"I know you have," Katniss says with a half-smile. "It's been a long time since you and I ate together at the table. I kind of feel like we should be eating on the floor or something."

"That's what didn't feel quite right! I wasn't sitting on the damp ground eating my food while people tried to kill me." Peeta says trying to lighten the mood.

Katniss laughed for a moment and looked into Peeta's eyes. He smiled back and began to reach for her hand. She quickly pulled it back and leaned back in her chair.

"So, Peeta….when are you leaving?" she asked abruptly.

"When am I leaving?" Peeta asked in a very confused manner. He looked around for a clock to see what time it was exactly. "Did you….I'm sorry…did you want me to go?" He said as he started to stand.

"No, Peeta…..sit down. I meant when are you leaving District 12."

Peeta looked at Katniss even more confused than he was a moment ago.

"Katniss, I'm NOT leaving District 12. I have come back to District 12 to rebuild myself and make a home. Why would you think I am leaving District 12?"

Katniss feels a lump building in her throat. It will be almost impossible to speak without breaking out into tears. She looks away from Peeta and shrugs.

"Katniss, why do you think I am leaving?" he asks again.

The lump begins to close off her breathing. Hot tears begin to well up in her eyes as she bites her bottom lip which is now starting to quiver.

"Because" she squeaks out as he voice begins to break. Tears begin rolling down her cheeks. Peeta cups her face in his hands and brushes the tears away with his thumbs. She looks into his eyes and sees such concern there. "Because you left me before…and if you leave me again, I won't be able to handle it. So please just tell me now."

Peeta holds her face in his hands more firmly, but still gently.

"Katniss, I didn't leave you by choice. I was taken. But now I'm back and I promise you I am not going anywhere, ever."

Peeta stands up and pulls Katniss up to him. He wraps his arms around her and holds her tightly against his body. His chin rests on her shoulder and his lips place gentle kisses on the side of her neck.

"I'm not going anywhere, Katniss….you can let that fear go."

"I never thought I would see you again, Peeta." She says through her sobs. "I missed you so much….it hurt so much…I wanted to die."

Peeta could feel Katniss tremble as he held her. He guided her back down to her chair and released his grip on her. He pulled his chair over next to her so they could be eye to eye. He slowly wiped away her tears with his napkin and began brushing her hair back with his fingers. He offered her a glass of water which she sipped slowly. As she calmed down, he began to speak.

"I…am so sorry that I hurt you so much, Katniss. I would rather die than have that happen, and I think you know that. I didn't leave you by choice, but I did come back to you by choice. You are the only reason I came back to District 12. I have nothing else left for me here. My family is dead; I have a big house- a big empty house, but so what. I didn't come back for the beautiful scenery."

Katniss let out a small laugh. "No, I don't suppose you did."

"I came back for one reason, and one reason only. You, Katniss. You."

Katniss looked into Peeta's loving eyes. He placed his hand behind her head and slowly drew her to him, pulling her into a long, deep kiss. As their lips met, Katniss felt the stirring again, the hunger. She put her arms around Peeta's neck and kissed him back passionately. The two reveled in their freedom to express how they were feeling with no cameras watching or threat of death hanging over their heads. Peeta slowly began to pull back from the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Believe me now?" he said taking her hands in his and smiling.

"Yes" she said, "but I still might need some convincing."

"Tell you what, why don't you go splash some cold water on your face and I will start picking up the kitchen. Then I have an idea that I hope you will like."

Katniss looked at Peeta in a different light. She was trying to not let her feelings get the better of her but she was doing a lousy job. She had been afraid to hope for a moment like this, yet here it was. She began questioning herself as to if this was a good idea, if she should let her heart be exposed, if she could trust that he wouldn't leave. Katniss washed her face and attempted to fix her braid, but it was a lost cause so she let her hair just hang loose. When she came back downstairs, the food had been put away but Peeta was nowhere to be found.

"Peeta?" Katniss called out.

"In here," he replied.

Katniss followed his voice down the hall to the den. She could count the times on one hand she had ever been in this room. It is not as formal as the formal living room, but not as large either. Peeta sat on the floor in front of the fireplace building a fire.

"What are you doing in here?" Katniss said.

"I thought it might be fun if we enjoyed our dessert on the floor." He said with a smile.

"And this is the most cave-like room you could find?" Katniss said as she sat on the floor.

"No, not at all. I just love this room! I use mine all the time! Don't you?" He asked. Both his and Katniss' houses had virtually the same layout, thus the reason that he knew the rooms in her house so well.

"It's not that I don't like this room, I have just only ever set foot in here once or twice before. We tended to do all our gathering in the kitchen. I think that's why I stayed in there for so long when I came back. In fact, I only started sleeping in my bed a few days ago. I guess I went up there one night in my sleep because when I woke up, there I was, in my own bed and not on the floor where I had remembered falling asleep."

Peeta looked at Katniss kind of sheepishly.

"It WAS you! You moved me up to my bed, didn't you?"

"I came over to talk to you and I thought something was wrong when I saw you on the floor. I came in and realized that you were just really asleep so I brought you up to your bed. I didn't know you hadn't been sleeping there until just now."

"It's ok," she said. It was time to move back up there. She thought back to throwing the rose left by President Snow in the fire and airing out the room of its putrid stench. She was quiet for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. Peeta handed her a piece of the goat cheese tart which she eagerly accepted. "Thank you…..How are the nightmares?"

"Still there. I would love to say not as often but that's not true. Maybe not as gruesome most of the time? So I guess that's an improvement. I don't sleep much anymore. I go to bed late and am up before the sun on most days."

"That's the baker in you. You are used to getting up that early to make the bread."

"True. Only now, there's no bakery." Peeta's face turned sad. Katniss realized that in all of her talking about people leaving her, she never considered how Peeta must be feeling after all the losses he has endured, too. She suddenly felt very selfish.

"Oh, Peeta. I am so sorry. The bakery, your family. We never really talked about it."

"No, we haven't….. and when the time is right, we will. But not tonight. I have done a lot of talking about it with Dr. Aurelius, and I've come to terms with most of it. He wants me to go visit the remains of the bakery, but I don't think I am ready to do that just yet."

Katniss reached out and took his hand. "Well, when you are, I will go with you…if you want."

"I would like that," he said as he took a bite of the tart. Katniss followed suit.

"Oh, Peeta! This is delicious! Better than I even imagined when you first described it."

Peeta gave her a half smile in return. "Glad you like it."

Katniss continued to savor her tart. Peeta became lost in thought.

"Peeta?"

"Hhmm?" he said looking up at Katniss.

"I asked you if you were ok."

"Yea…..I'm fine. Just thinking about my family. When we left for the Quarter Quell, I never expected to see them again, but then I figured it was me that was going to die, not them. It's…it's just so senseless, Katniss. All the death and destruction. And for what?"

"I've been trying to figure that out, too. I feel like it should have been me that died. If I had, none of this would have happened. Your family would still be alive, Prim…it just should have been me."

"No, Katniss!" Peeta barked. "No….it should not have been you. You can't think like that. The revolution was coming with or without you. None of this was your fault."

Katniss looked at Peeta and tried to let his words penetrate her shroud of guilt and shame. She wanted to believe that all the deaths were not on her head, but she couldn't seem to let go.

"How about a cup of tea?" She said as she stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Peeta followed close behind.

"No tea for me. It's late and I think I should head home."

Katniss was both disappointed and relieved. She wanted desperately to go retreat to her bed and stop thinking for a while.

"Ok" she said with a soft smile.

Peeta wrapped his arms around Katniss and held her close. He didn't want to let her go, but he, too, needed some alone time. Peeta looked into Katniss' face and smiled. He gently brushed the hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her once more before he left for the evening. Their kiss was much less desperate than the one they shared earlier in the evening. It was pure, genuine and tender.

"Good night, Katniss."

"Good night, Peeta…..see you tomorrow."

Katniss watched Peeta slip into the darkness as he walked to his house. She sat in the rocking chair and warmed herself by the fire for a few moments and then decided to go to bed. Buttercup followed her up the stairs and claimed his spot on her bed. Katniss patted him on the head as she walked by him.

"Did you enjoy your turkey?" she said to Buttercup as she watched him lick his paws and rub his head. "Don't expect that every day….it was a lucky shot."

Katniss slipped between the covers and gently patted the cat between his ears and scratched under his chin. She wanted desperately to believe that Peeta wouldn't leave her and that the deaths of his family and of Prim were not her fault, but she wasn't ready to believe that yet. She closed her eyes and listened to the purring of Buttercup, her new protector. Slowly she drifted off to sleep.

Peeta walked home deep in thought. His mind was swimming with the events that had happened tonight. He felt very hopeful about getting close to Katniss again. It was so good to hold her again and feel her against him. Peeta walked into his house and proceeded to his room. He replayed the passionate kiss that they shared at dinner and the more tender good night kiss. Peeta's heart was thumping at the thought of Katniss. Part of him felt great relief that this invisible barrier between them seemed to be broken, but another part of him told it to take it slow and cautiously. When he first kissed her tonight, she was very vulnerable and was looking for comfort. Peeta knew Katniss well enough that she could regret getting emotional and put a stop to them growing back together again. Peeta put on his night clothes and lay down on his bed. He folded his behind his head and stared up at the ceiling. Tossing and turning, Peeta could not fall asleep. Feeling as if his efforts were pointless, he got up and thought a walk might do him some good in the cool night air. Not bothering to change, Peeta walked outside in his pajama pants and robe. The night air was crisp and the Victors' Village was not just quiet, but silent. Peeta began walking in the opposite direction of his house, thinking of Katniss with each step.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Buttercup let out a hiss at Katniss before he jumped off of the bed. He didn't appreciate being woken up by her flailing and screaming, which she did every night. Tonight was no exception.

_"So where's Lover-Boy? Not going to come and save you?" Clove hissed to Katniss as she had her pinned to the ground. "That's ok, by the time he got here, there wouldn't be much left of you to save!"_

_Katniss felt the knife cut her cheek. She tried to scream but couldn't. Clove cackled and cackled as she wielded the sharp blade above Katniss' face._

_"Peeta! Peeta!" Katniss screamed in her head, but the sounds wouldn't form in her throat. _

_Suddenly, Clove's eyes went wide as a spear pierced through her body from behind. She grabbed her stomach and rolled off of Katniss. A loud cannon fire could be heard in the distance. Katniss looked around and found herself alone in the arena. From the woods that lined the far side of the field, she could hear Prim screaming her name._

_"Katniss! Katniss! Help me! Help me! Katniss!"_

_"Prim? Prim? I'm coming, Prim!" Katniss tried to run but couldn't. The ground turned to thick, deep mud beneath her. The blood from the cuts on her face began to run into her eyes and obscure her vision. _

_"I'm coming, Prim. Hold on!"_

_Katniss fell over and over again and couldn't gain footing in the mud. Suddenly, a hand reached down and pulled her out. She looked up to see who saved her and found herself staring into the eyes of Finnick._

_"Oh, Finnick! Help me! Help me save my sister!"_

_He looked at her with wild eyes and a sinister grin upon his face and without warning, shoved her backwards where she splashed into a lake. The lake was a churning vortex and was pulling her under. She couldn't catch her breath. She was drowning. Suddenly, the swirling and spinning water stopped. Katniss fought to the surface, choking and gasping for air. She swam to a nearby rock where a hand was offered to her. She grabbed it and it pulled her out of the water._

_"Are you alright?" the voice said, its face obscured by the sun._

_"Yes….yes, I'm alright."_

_"I thought we agreed not to lie to each other, Miss Everdeen!" a voice sternly screamed at her._

_President Snow was the owner of the voice. He gnashed his teeth that had been filed to points. Blood ran out of his mouth and over his lips._

_"Katnisssss, Katnissssss, Katnisssssss" could be heard in the distance, rapidly coming closer. Katniss scrambled to her feet and began to run as fast as she could. "Katnisssss, Katnissssss, Katnisssss" taunted her louder and louder. Katniss ran for the distant trees in the hopes of climbing one to get away from what she knew to be mutts chasing her. She ran through the brush and found herself in a beautiful, lush, green meadow filled with wildflowers. Katniss no longer heard the call of the mutts. The only thing that she heard was bird song. She crouched down and tried to catch her breath. As her breathing slowed, she realized that the sun was shining on her face and it felt warm and inviting. She closed her eyes and listened to the birds singing. Slowly, their song began to take on a familiar tune…Rue's 4 note end of the workday signal. The birds were singing it over and over again. Katniss stood up and looked to the sky. Their song became almost deafeningly loud, then as if someone flipped a switch, stopped. All of the birds stopped singing at the same time. It was now eerily quiet._

_"Katniss?" a little voice called to her._

_Katniss spun around and found Rue standing behind her, dressed in her Hunger Games uniform._

_"Rue?" Katniss said as she rushed to her side._

_"Katniss, why did you let them get me?"_

_"Rue, I tried. I really did but they…."_

_"Katniss!" another voice shouted behind her. She turned to see Wiress._

_"Katniss…" yet another voice called. She whipped around to see Finnick again with Mags on his back._

_"Katniss….Katniss…Katniss…"_

_Person after person was calling her name, all of them deceased and they were slowly closing in on her. Each one had a menacing look to them and she knew that they wanted to hurt her. Suddenly, President Coin appeared with Prim standing beside her. Prim had a loaded bow pointed at Katniss…..the bow aimed straight for her heart._

Peeta did a loop around Victors' Village and was now passing Haymitch's house. It was dark and lifeless. The evening was still silent. The only sounds Peeta heard were of his own feet on the pavement. As he neared Katniss' house, he stopped and looked up at the smoke slowing rising out of the chimney-the remnants of the fire that they shared this evening. He let out a happy sigh and began to head back to his house.

"NO! PRIM! NO!"

Peeta was stopped cold in his tracks as he heard screaming coming from Katniss' house. Without thinking, he opened her door and ran up her stairs where he could hear her screaming. When he got to her bedroom, he could see she was in the middle of a nightmare. Peeta climbed in bed with her and held her tightly. Katniss thrashed against his grip.

"Katniss! Katniss, wake up! Ssshhh! It's ok….I've got you. Sssshhhh!"

Katniss slowly stopped fighting Peeta's embrace and jolted awake. Her face showed pure terror and confusion.

"Katniss…you're ok. It was just a bad dream."

"Peeta?"

"Yes, it's me. You were having a bad dream. You're safe."

"Peeta, what are you doing here?" She said after she began to regain her senses. He looked up into his concerned face as he held her.

"I was walking by and I heard you screaming, so I came in to make sure you were ok."

"You were walking by?"

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk. Are you ok now?"

"Yea, I think so…very bad dream."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No"

Peeta smiled down at her and brushed the hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "Ok, well why don't you go back to sleep," he said as he gently kissed her forehead and got out of her bed. He was only two steps away when Katniss called out to him.

"Peeta? Stay with me?"

Peeta looked at her and smiled. He took off his robe and climbed back into bed. As he took Katniss in his arms he whispered into her ear, "Always".


End file.
